Wednesday, January 24, 2007

With Valentines coming up and all..

I thought it would be a good time to name all the "Valentines" I've had and tell ya where they are now.
Last year: I didn't really have one. I think I worked on Valentines. I don't even remember. Psh. I was working 2 full time jobs. I had no time for boys. I wish I hadn't gotten involved with boys at all until... ever. hah. My life would be so much eaiser.
2005: David. Well, kindof. He broke up with me the week before Valentines, but we still went out on the actual date. It was really odd, since we were allready broken up, but we kissed. And it was the single best kiss I've had in my entire life (up to this point) It made me weak at the knees like I have't been since. We went and laid in the arts center park and listened to all the cars go past, and a firetruck went by, and we laughed for what must have been ten minutes. It made breaking up eaiser, but so much harder at the same time, because I couldn't see HOW he could kiss me like that and still not want to be with me. It hurt, but we are friends now. He is on his mission.. he'll be back in 16 months. We write and its fun and I'm sending him a valentines present. hah. Anyways, I had an orch rehersal that night, and then we went to umm.. its closed now, oh, BDs because it was the most amazing food ever. And then we got icecream at Pachigioes and sat outside and talked for a while. The weather wasn't too cold. It was nice. Then we went to the park.. and yea. After that, we went to my house and finished up his application for BYU. He recently wrote me that I am the reason he is on his mission, and had I not pushed him to go to BYU he doesn't know where he'd be. That made me feel awesome.
2004: Dylan. So, me and Dylan dated for a year, a week and a day. He is the only boy I've ever loved for sure. I think I love Phil, but it may just be as a friend. I think I'll have to wait till he gets back to know for sure, but I KNOW I loved Dylan. He is an amazing guy. We are SO similar, and he is still one of my most amazing friends. He understands me because we share the same faith, but he gets that I'm not perfect and accepts me for who I am. I remember it snowed this year on Valentines Day, and I went to a drill team compeition to take pictures. They gave me a crappy camera, and I got pretty crappy pictures as a result. Me and Dylan talked on the phone that night: at that point we wern't allowed to date (even tho we had been going out like 5 months) becuase Dylan wasn't 16 yet. He made me a picture of a rose in paint and emailed it to me. It said "happy valentimes day" He misspelled it on purpose b/c he knew it would drive me nuts. Thats just the way we were. I loved it.
2003: HAHA! Like I'd have had a valentine. I was such a loser.
2002: Roman! No kidding! I dated this Russian kid for like two months. He was SO cute, and now he's little mr. frat boy at whatever college he goes to. Bhaha. Good times.
2001: Erik. I was so dumb when it came to this kid. He got me a teddy bear and everything. I thought he wasn't cool enough to like. Boy, I was DUMB.
2000: I was in 6th grade. It was a dry year for me, what are ya gonna do?
I don't feel like going before that, because I can't remember and I probally wanted every boy in my class to be my valentine.
Whats the point of this stupid stupid day?
I think that when I'm married, I shall ban it. I want my husband to show me he loves me every day of the year, and I want to show him, too. Having one day that everyone buys flowers and gets candy makes it so impersonal. I want him to buy me flowers on a random thrusday to let me know he still thinks I'm beautiful, and for him to cook dinner one night and send the kids to a friends house and have a me and him night. I want spontinaity, not valenines. I want my husband to see me and think "man, i love that girl, and she loves me just as much back." I want the love I have to be fierce and real enough to touch. I want to have the kind of love that when people look at us and we have been married 30 years they think that we are newlyweds. I never want to take for granted the fact that the man beside me in bed is my best friend and that he is the father to my children. I think if I am an amazing wife, he'll be an amazing husband and we'll have an amazing marriage. I want to have a beautiful family filled with love as well, and I want to teach them thru example what the true love of a marriage looks like. I don't want to fight, unless it is passionatly with lots of hugging it out and realizing we can disagree and still be madly in love with one another. I want him to sweep me off my feet and to come up behind me when I'm fixing dinner and kiss my neck and hold me tight. I want him to kiss my belly when I'm pregnant. I want him to ask my dad's premission to marry me, before he asks me. I want my mom to like him, and for him to be friends with my brother. I want to be happy watching TV and I want him to not think my feet are gross and massage them. I want him to make silly faces at our babies, and play horsie with the kids for hours on end. I want to see him in the backyard practicing soccer with our kids, and see him reading them bedtime stories before he tucks them into bed at night. I hope that he has a job where he doesn't have to be gone all the time, but if he does that he'll always come back with something cool for each of the kids, even if its as simple as a magnet or peanuts from the plane. I hope he knows that he doesn't have to get me jewlry for me to be happy, but get it for me anyways. I hope he likes what I cook and goes shopping with me at Sams or Costco on saturdays and that we eat lunch there because we are so cheap. I hope that when we have 11:00 or 1:00 church, he'll make pancakes on Sunday mornings and that on mothers day, he'll slip out of bed quitely and wake up all the kids to make me breakfast in bed, even tho I'll totally be awake and waiting by the time they come in to give it to me. I hope he'll let our little girls sit on his lap to watch TV even when they are big enough to hurt a little bit, and that he'll call them princess and show them what kind of prince they deserve. I hope he is superman, not only to our kids, but to me. I know he won't be perfect, but I hope that together we will be for eachother. I want a boy to lay in the grass and watch stars with me, not only when we are first dating, but when we have kids, after they are in bed. I want the kind of love that is legendary, but also the kind that is so ordinary you can't tell at first glance. I want a best friend and an amazing lover. I want someone who makes me feel delicate, and who treats me like he might break me. I want to feel beautiful.
I know there is a lot of I in there, but above all, I want my husband to want this much of me, and for me to fulfil it.
I know I've beeen in love before, but I think that this love, when I find it, will encompass my entire being and show me the depth and reality of love in a way I've never seen.
I am ready for it, but am willing to wait.
Waiting only helps us see what we want, and helps us relalize when we've fond something truly speaical.

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