Today is going to be a good week. I don't have anything due in any classes, my midterms are on a weekish long sabbatical to never-never land to return in a couple of weeks, with only one a week in november! hurrah!
Also, one month from today I shall be sitting on the beach in cancun tanning and de-stressing and listening to italian songs on my ipod. it will be fantastical.
I'm going to decide on a reception center this week, and worry about nothing wedding-wise until after Christmas (except bridesmaid dresses and save the date cards) and then life will be good. Stevie is going with me to look at The Point tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to a good chat with her. I love her!
I'm making Italian flash cards. If I don't use them, at least I can sell them. They are snappy!
Also, my room/apt is staying clean. Because I clean it! Almost every day! Now all I need to do is find a good way to organize my books. I might go buy a shelf or something tomorrow at IKEA. Its driving me nuts to have them all over my desk. UGH!
I love my Fiance. He's quite wonderful. And he's going to be the most amazing father of all time.
The end!
Monday, October 22, 2007
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Sabrina -
Right now, you are a starting your second fall semester at BYU. I just wanted to remind you of some stuff you learned your first year there.
- Don't tell people about your past unless you are engaged/about to get engaged. Why? It blows up in your face. There are no exceptions here. Period.
- A clean room makes everyone happy, even you.
- Chocolate should be used sparingly. It takes the edge off if you have too much too often.
- Studying works. Cramming only works if you studied.
- Eating late at night? Bad idea.
- Going to bed after midnight? Bad idea.
- Making out with random boys? Bad idea.
- Going to class? Good idea.
- Being friends with boys first? Good idea.
- Hanging out with friends can always happen later. Studying for that test/quiz can't.
- Waking up after 10 am makes you MORE tired.
- Taking naps after 3pm or napes more than 1 hour kill your sleeping schedule.
- A thank you note goes a long way.
- Cooking to put off homework isn't good.
- Bake only 1 dessert a week. And put it on the free for all table.
- Do not take stuff off the free for all table. Seriously.
- Girls are amazing friends. Be a good friend back.
- Don't interrupt when you are listening to someone. The point of listening is to listen. They don't want to hear your stupid story.
- Take out the dang trash before it overflows.
- Read your scriptures every night.
- Pray night and morning.
- You are so lucky. Oh my gosh. Act like it. Stop being such a freaking spoiled brat.
- Don't spend your money on stupid crap.
- Don't be afraid to tell others you need money for stuff.
- Your parents are amazing. Let them know that.
- Stay awake during conference.
- Priesthood blessings are not a sign of weakness.
- Good dates are sitting and talking.
- You don't need to spend money to have fun.
- Your religion class will open your eyes if you prepare and pay attention. Take good notes in a spiral and keep it as a journal too.
- Keep a journal! For seriously, it'll save your life and you will love having it ater.
- Missionaries as friends is the only way to do it. Getting involved with a boy 3,000 miles away by letters only is NOT a good life choice.
- Facebook and Myspace one a day. Close your dang laptop while doing homework and take out the internet cord when you have to use it.
- Taking notes on your laptop is a good idea in theory, but in real life, you screw around.
- The library is awesome. Go there a lot.
- Using people is not cool. Don't justify it.
- Calling is better than texting 9 times out of 10.
- RM's aren't all scary.
- Don't judge a person by their state.
- PreMis are flakey. Deal/Get over it.
- Everyone says squaw peak isn't just for making out, but we know thats a total lie.
- Don't trust everyone right away. Thats the best way to get your heart broken and trust betrayed.
- Jumping into things makes for a messy situation.
- Professors will help you out if you just tell them the situation.
- Make a list of grade goals, then work hard to attain them. When you do, celebrate!
- Taking breaks is a good thing, as long as you are doing something worthwhile to take a break from.
- You can say no. Its okay to say no. Just say no.
- Honesty is the best policy in relationships, grades, religion, work and life.
- Talking to the Bishop isn't scary. Its wonderful.
- Don't hang out with bad people. Surround yourself with people who are like when you want to become.
- Writing missionaries is hard work. Seriously. But its also really rewarding. Keep writing and supporting them.
- Fasting helps you be more spiritually aware.
- At church, actively listen to what is being said. The spirit will testify the things you need to know.
- Bearing your testimony is good, but so is being uplifted by everyone else's.
- Talk to a person for 20+ minutes before you decide you don't like them.
- Talk to a boy for 10+ hours before you kiss him.
- Follow your heart. Don't let the practical bring you down.
- Do stuff for yourself, not for others.
- Don't plan your life around someone else. Its your life... act like it. Take charge.
- Let others know your standards and if they don't respect them, you don't hang out with them. Thats a good way to keep yourself out of trouble.
- The less bad situations you put yourself in, the less likely you are to mess up.
- Making out in a car is not classy.
- Making out in general is not a good idea. It leads to feelings you shouldn't be having.
- Late nights lead to bad judgement. 1:30 should be the cut off time for dates. Midnight is even better.
- Freshman are people too.
- Movies aren't very good dates.
- If you do go to a movie, watch the screen, not the boy or the back of your eyelids.
- People are unique. You can't put them into a category.
- Don't judge people ever. Seriously. You'll be wrong.
- Don't say you'll never do something, or you'll end up doing it.
- Be sensitive to the needs of others.
- Serving others shows your love for them.
- Complaining never solves anything. If you don't like something, fix it.
- If you want something done right, do it yourself.
- Listen to the prompting of the spirit. They aren't random thoughts coming into your head. Act upon them.
- Do your visiting teaching.
- Love yourself. You are a beautiful daughter of God.
I hope you have an awesome year. Don't make the same mistakes I did - learn from them!
Have fun and remember to brush your teeth!
Love,
Sabrina (at the end of freshman year)
- Don't tell people about your past unless you are engaged/about to get engaged. Why? It blows up in your face. There are no exceptions here. Period.
- A clean room makes everyone happy, even you.
- Chocolate should be used sparingly. It takes the edge off if you have too much too often.
- Studying works. Cramming only works if you studied.
- Eating late at night? Bad idea.
- Going to bed after midnight? Bad idea.
- Making out with random boys? Bad idea.
- Going to class? Good idea.
- Being friends with boys first? Good idea.
- Hanging out with friends can always happen later. Studying for that test/quiz can't.
- Waking up after 10 am makes you MORE tired.
- Taking naps after 3pm or napes more than 1 hour kill your sleeping schedule.
- A thank you note goes a long way.
- Cooking to put off homework isn't good.
- Bake only 1 dessert a week. And put it on the free for all table.
- Do not take stuff off the free for all table. Seriously.
- Girls are amazing friends. Be a good friend back.
- Don't interrupt when you are listening to someone. The point of listening is to listen. They don't want to hear your stupid story.
- Take out the dang trash before it overflows.
- Read your scriptures every night.
- Pray night and morning.
- You are so lucky. Oh my gosh. Act like it. Stop being such a freaking spoiled brat.
- Don't spend your money on stupid crap.
- Don't be afraid to tell others you need money for stuff.
- Your parents are amazing. Let them know that.
- Stay awake during conference.
- Priesthood blessings are not a sign of weakness.
- Good dates are sitting and talking.
- You don't need to spend money to have fun.
- Your religion class will open your eyes if you prepare and pay attention. Take good notes in a spiral and keep it as a journal too.
- Keep a journal! For seriously, it'll save your life and you will love having it ater.
- Missionaries as friends is the only way to do it. Getting involved with a boy 3,000 miles away by letters only is NOT a good life choice.
- Facebook and Myspace one a day. Close your dang laptop while doing homework and take out the internet cord when you have to use it.
- Taking notes on your laptop is a good idea in theory, but in real life, you screw around.
- The library is awesome. Go there a lot.
- Using people is not cool. Don't justify it.
- Calling is better than texting 9 times out of 10.
- RM's aren't all scary.
- Don't judge a person by their state.
- PreMis are flakey. Deal/Get over it.
- Everyone says squaw peak isn't just for making out, but we know thats a total lie.
- Don't trust everyone right away. Thats the best way to get your heart broken and trust betrayed.
- Jumping into things makes for a messy situation.
- Professors will help you out if you just tell them the situation.
- Make a list of grade goals, then work hard to attain them. When you do, celebrate!
- Taking breaks is a good thing, as long as you are doing something worthwhile to take a break from.
- You can say no. Its okay to say no. Just say no.
- Honesty is the best policy in relationships, grades, religion, work and life.
- Talking to the Bishop isn't scary. Its wonderful.
- Don't hang out with bad people. Surround yourself with people who are like when you want to become.
- Writing missionaries is hard work. Seriously. But its also really rewarding. Keep writing and supporting them.
- Fasting helps you be more spiritually aware.
- At church, actively listen to what is being said. The spirit will testify the things you need to know.
- Bearing your testimony is good, but so is being uplifted by everyone else's.
- Talk to a person for 20+ minutes before you decide you don't like them.
- Talk to a boy for 10+ hours before you kiss him.
- Follow your heart. Don't let the practical bring you down.
- Do stuff for yourself, not for others.
- Don't plan your life around someone else. Its your life... act like it. Take charge.
- Let others know your standards and if they don't respect them, you don't hang out with them. Thats a good way to keep yourself out of trouble.
- The less bad situations you put yourself in, the less likely you are to mess up.
- Making out in a car is not classy.
- Making out in general is not a good idea. It leads to feelings you shouldn't be having.
- Late nights lead to bad judgement. 1:30 should be the cut off time for dates. Midnight is even better.
- Freshman are people too.
- Movies aren't very good dates.
- If you do go to a movie, watch the screen, not the boy or the back of your eyelids.
- People are unique. You can't put them into a category.
- Don't judge people ever. Seriously. You'll be wrong.
- Don't say you'll never do something, or you'll end up doing it.
- Be sensitive to the needs of others.
- Serving others shows your love for them.
- Complaining never solves anything. If you don't like something, fix it.
- If you want something done right, do it yourself.
- Listen to the prompting of the spirit. They aren't random thoughts coming into your head. Act upon them.
- Do your visiting teaching.
- Love yourself. You are a beautiful daughter of God.
I hope you have an awesome year. Don't make the same mistakes I did - learn from them!
Have fun and remember to brush your teeth!
Love,
Sabrina (at the end of freshman year)
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Poetry
So, we (lyndsi, me, david, steevie, brooklyn and some dude... nate? ) played the poetry game. here is some of our awesome work.
The smell of the boy stayed on the sweatshirt
Like the cereal left crusted upon the bowl
Yet the thoughts of the boy were centered on
His co-co pebbles of lovvvvvve.
Big. Fatty. Kankles
are of the lowliest breed
who shall never be seen in capris
except those ones that are hot, sexy, and anklet-ed.
Oh when will that special day come?
will I ever be a walrus bride?
no, because i am but a lowly krill
swimming in the ocean of defeat!
Something... was amiss... in the glen-hood.
the mattress under the stairs was being used.
should i heave them their privacy or call the gestapo?
i think i'll just snuggle til 10:30 in the morning (... hoes.)
good morning my little ones
you are now in big trouble
too many sneaky sugar bon-bons
keep it real
shrimps are burning within my bosom!
and oh how my bosoms longed to be extinguished!
oh how long that run to the john was
and yet the longing was not long enough.
i smell of a slaughtered hanging pig.
because of this, a grave i have to dig.
should i have him a wig in honor of the jig?
no.
whenever you see the one over
you have to stop and think
is the sky really blue or the grass really green>
geez i am not very keen
the car windows were fogged
i guess you could say it was our fault
titanic carriage x100 (talk about a natural made sauna)
good thing we were just boiling water for some noodles
i meet the milk man today
and wonder if i should tell him of the children he fathered
i don't want my milk to be tainted or bothered
so i will just pretend i have nothing to say
dashing young men danced in the candlelight
faster and faster till they began to swirl
until the young women came a little closer
and stuck them in the roaster!
i turned on the camera and my eyes were accosted
i saw it all go down, and almost lost it...
over there and over there
is there anywhere i can go to get free?
the squaw peak parking lot was full
but be found a way to squeeze in
we only needed a little space
we had the scriptures on CD!
big purple pudding pile
riding off into the eternal sunset
jiggling with determination
mmmmmmmm
i shall miss my big purple pudding pile
what else is as white as rice
provo utah is white but nice
bug you can't gamble ie: play with dice
my sexy not so slender upper thigh
i saw a bearded man walking down the street yesterday
he told me that the world was a beautiful place
sike! the carpet is the size of jamaica
and at my my current weight i am bigger!
trickling down the pot of maple syrup
was the lost love of Sebastian's small, short life
what?! crabs in my pancakes?!
said miss baltimore crab...
the sun is shining so bright in my eyes
and as he gazes at me my soul begins to fly
oh what to do with this feeling i have
if only i had shades for my eyes, and a bungee cord for my flapping soul
a redsox hat i wear with pride
o the ocean tide i want to ride
nake
and the redsox go out with the tide
so jordan tall gave me a sunflower...
then took me to where the sun doesn't shine
and we made out till the sun shone again
but who need the sun there's not fun in that
i heard a knock upon the door
and then i peed upon the floor
oh what shall i do with this putrid smell
of this stupid, new hair gel?
red glossy zippers bare no truth
only rumors of what the walls have seen
but the quicker the zipper
the slower the drive
oh how i envy the place he is in
in my arms, touching my lips
so i act like a shark and bite!
he thinks it is kinky
and once, thus the peanut butter clam shells
all began to talk amongst themselves
they told the story of the sea from its birth
oh no kids cover your ears! (earmuffs)
a little game of footsie
went unnoticed for a time
but the i ate a tootsie (...roll)
and he jumped across the line!
how many types of food can he cook?
i don't care, as long as he can kiss
four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie
doesn't really matter, he's fox
who can resist the raunchness of men?
i can, i love the honor code! hurrah!
except when it comes to buff men.
and then they are my biggest flaw.
the girl was a jezebel
mizzle that lizzle jezza bizzle
thats just how we are here on the south side
and thats how i like my chicken breast
my cheeks are flaming
he touched me again
my heart always flutters
when it comes to mustached men
(the best oneeeee)
she touched me again and what should i think
shove some food in my mouth and try not to blink
for her piercing eyes will do me in
to be obese and lustful, oh what a sin!
fun night, even if they ate my ENTIRE CHEESECAKE IN ONE SITTING.
The smell of the boy stayed on the sweatshirt
Like the cereal left crusted upon the bowl
Yet the thoughts of the boy were centered on
His co-co pebbles of lovvvvvve.
Big. Fatty. Kankles
are of the lowliest breed
who shall never be seen in capris
except those ones that are hot, sexy, and anklet-ed.
Oh when will that special day come?
will I ever be a walrus bride?
no, because i am but a lowly krill
swimming in the ocean of defeat!
Something... was amiss... in the glen-hood.
the mattress under the stairs was being used.
should i heave them their privacy or call the gestapo?
i think i'll just snuggle til 10:30 in the morning (... hoes.)
good morning my little ones
you are now in big trouble
too many sneaky sugar bon-bons
keep it real
shrimps are burning within my bosom!
and oh how my bosoms longed to be extinguished!
oh how long that run to the john was
and yet the longing was not long enough.
i smell of a slaughtered hanging pig.
because of this, a grave i have to dig.
should i have him a wig in honor of the jig?
no.
whenever you see the one over
you have to stop and think
is the sky really blue or the grass really green>
geez i am not very keen
the car windows were fogged
i guess you could say it was our fault
titanic carriage x100 (talk about a natural made sauna)
good thing we were just boiling water for some noodles
i meet the milk man today
and wonder if i should tell him of the children he fathered
i don't want my milk to be tainted or bothered
so i will just pretend i have nothing to say
dashing young men danced in the candlelight
faster and faster till they began to swirl
until the young women came a little closer
and stuck them in the roaster!
i turned on the camera and my eyes were accosted
i saw it all go down, and almost lost it...
over there and over there
is there anywhere i can go to get free?
the squaw peak parking lot was full
but be found a way to squeeze in
we only needed a little space
we had the scriptures on CD!
big purple pudding pile
riding off into the eternal sunset
jiggling with determination
mmmmmmmm
i shall miss my big purple pudding pile
what else is as white as rice
provo utah is white but nice
bug you can't gamble ie: play with dice
my sexy not so slender upper thigh
i saw a bearded man walking down the street yesterday
he told me that the world was a beautiful place
sike! the carpet is the size of jamaica
and at my my current weight i am bigger!
trickling down the pot of maple syrup
was the lost love of Sebastian's small, short life
what?! crabs in my pancakes?!
said miss baltimore crab...
the sun is shining so bright in my eyes
and as he gazes at me my soul begins to fly
oh what to do with this feeling i have
if only i had shades for my eyes, and a bungee cord for my flapping soul
a redsox hat i wear with pride
o the ocean tide i want to ride
nake
and the redsox go out with the tide
so jordan tall gave me a sunflower...
then took me to where the sun doesn't shine
and we made out till the sun shone again
but who need the sun there's not fun in that
i heard a knock upon the door
and then i peed upon the floor
oh what shall i do with this putrid smell
of this stupid, new hair gel?
red glossy zippers bare no truth
only rumors of what the walls have seen
but the quicker the zipper
the slower the drive
oh how i envy the place he is in
in my arms, touching my lips
so i act like a shark and bite!
he thinks it is kinky
and once, thus the peanut butter clam shells
all began to talk amongst themselves
they told the story of the sea from its birth
oh no kids cover your ears! (earmuffs)
a little game of footsie
went unnoticed for a time
but the i ate a tootsie (...roll)
and he jumped across the line!
how many types of food can he cook?
i don't care, as long as he can kiss
four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie
doesn't really matter, he's fox
who can resist the raunchness of men?
i can, i love the honor code! hurrah!
except when it comes to buff men.
and then they are my biggest flaw.
the girl was a jezebel
mizzle that lizzle jezza bizzle
thats just how we are here on the south side
and thats how i like my chicken breast
my cheeks are flaming
he touched me again
my heart always flutters
when it comes to mustached men
(the best oneeeee)
she touched me again and what should i think
shove some food in my mouth and try not to blink
for her piercing eyes will do me in
to be obese and lustful, oh what a sin!
fun night, even if they ate my ENTIRE CHEESECAKE IN ONE SITTING.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
sometimes
i just feel horrible about life and stuff in general.
right now i should be doing homework.
i just read some past im's that my gmail account saved between me and paul. it basically was like a punch to the stomach.
i hate that i have made mistakes and they still come back to haunt me, even after such a long time.
i just wish that i could be whole again.
its a process, i know, but its sucking me dry.
ugh.
right now i should be doing homework.
i just read some past im's that my gmail account saved between me and paul. it basically was like a punch to the stomach.
i hate that i have made mistakes and they still come back to haunt me, even after such a long time.
i just wish that i could be whole again.
its a process, i know, but its sucking me dry.
ugh.
Monday, October 8, 2007
proposal
so, i'm writing this out here so i'll have it forever, and also so that i can copy/paste it to other places/people.
first, i already knew that it was coming. mainly because david is a horrible liar, and the fact that one morning he said that he didn't take is laptop to school, which obviously meant that he was in Texas getting the ring instead of at school, because he always takes his laptop. silly boy.
okay, so i came home from class on thrusday and there was a note on my door. it said, in a nut shell, that there was a surprise and i had to look at "a journey of our lives" and then go into the kitchen. so, i walked in and there were 30 pictures hanging by string from the ceiling. there were pictures from the day we met, our first date (which i don't remember taking) to dates we had in high school, to chicago to homecoming the weekend before, and on the back of each picture there was a reason why he loves me and a little story. so, i got to the last one and it was way cute, and then i went into the kitchen, and there was a chair with some movies he had borrowed sitting on it. it had a note that said "surprise! i returned your movies!" i was like, lame. so i picked them up and was going to go put them away and there was a white (obviously jewelry) box sitting underneath. i thought it was my ring, and i got all excited, and i opened it and it was a pearl necklace! i had told him i liked it when we were looking at jewelry the week before, but i didn't know he actually got it (he went while i was in class, the sneak) and so i glanced over and he was looking out from the grate of the water heater closet (totally creepy sounding, but it wasn't. he was just seeing what my reaction was. it was cute) and so i opened the door, and pulled him out and had him put on the necklace and gave him a big hug and he was like "today was the day i was going to propose (and at this point, my heart fell to the ground, because i was so sure i was getting proposed to that day) but your dad said i couldn't have the ring" at which point i knew he was a huge liar, because my dad tries to be funny and does crap like that, and so i said "where is my ring! i know you are lying! give it!" and he said "dang! i can't lie!" and so he got down on one knee and pulled out the box from his back pocket, where he had been sitting on it for a good 10 minutes in the closet, and he tried to open it and it wouldn't open, and it was really cute and he finally got it open and said "sabrina, will you marry me?" and i said "no!" and he just looked at me, and i was like "yes, you dork, you know i'll marry you" and he got up and gave me a kiss and we said i love you and yay! i'm offically engaged to the most wonderful boy in the universe!
first, i already knew that it was coming. mainly because david is a horrible liar, and the fact that one morning he said that he didn't take is laptop to school, which obviously meant that he was in Texas getting the ring instead of at school, because he always takes his laptop. silly boy.
okay, so i came home from class on thrusday and there was a note on my door. it said, in a nut shell, that there was a surprise and i had to look at "a journey of our lives" and then go into the kitchen. so, i walked in and there were 30 pictures hanging by string from the ceiling. there were pictures from the day we met, our first date (which i don't remember taking) to dates we had in high school, to chicago to homecoming the weekend before, and on the back of each picture there was a reason why he loves me and a little story. so, i got to the last one and it was way cute, and then i went into the kitchen, and there was a chair with some movies he had borrowed sitting on it. it had a note that said "surprise! i returned your movies!" i was like, lame. so i picked them up and was going to go put them away and there was a white (obviously jewelry) box sitting underneath. i thought it was my ring, and i got all excited, and i opened it and it was a pearl necklace! i had told him i liked it when we were looking at jewelry the week before, but i didn't know he actually got it (he went while i was in class, the sneak) and so i glanced over and he was looking out from the grate of the water heater closet (totally creepy sounding, but it wasn't. he was just seeing what my reaction was. it was cute) and so i opened the door, and pulled him out and had him put on the necklace and gave him a big hug and he was like "today was the day i was going to propose (and at this point, my heart fell to the ground, because i was so sure i was getting proposed to that day) but your dad said i couldn't have the ring" at which point i knew he was a huge liar, because my dad tries to be funny and does crap like that, and so i said "where is my ring! i know you are lying! give it!" and he said "dang! i can't lie!" and so he got down on one knee and pulled out the box from his back pocket, where he had been sitting on it for a good 10 minutes in the closet, and he tried to open it and it wouldn't open, and it was really cute and he finally got it open and said "sabrina, will you marry me?" and i said "no!" and he just looked at me, and i was like "yes, you dork, you know i'll marry you" and he got up and gave me a kiss and we said i love you and yay! i'm offically engaged to the most wonderful boy in the universe!
Monday, October 1, 2007
So Much To Say
and no words to say it with.
Sometimes I feel like I have the entire world at my fingertips and I can't quite reach it. I feel like there is a centimeter between me and things working out the way I want them to. I feel like its all I can do to stay afloat, let alone do anything of worth.
I do have one bright point in my life right now, and that is David. We finally got officially engaged, as in, I have a ring on my finger and everything. This weekend was a really huge test for us, and we both failed it and passed it, even tho I know thats not going to make sense to anyone but me and him. I can tell you that I am more in love with him than ever, and that I know he is the one I am supposed to marry. He is one of the most caring, wonderful people I have ever known. He didn't let me go this weekend, even tho I gave him every reason in the universe to do so. I just love him so much. I have all these doubts sometimes, and all I have to do is talk to him to know that I am making the right choice, no matter how hard it is going to be. He is willing to change to become the kind of person I need, and I am willing to change to be the kind of person he needs. Together we are going to be the kind of people who love and care about each other so much that we can't be unhappy because someone will always be there trying to fill us with all the joy in the world. I very seriously just want to make him happy. I don't want to make him hurt. I want him to know how much he means to me and how wonderful he is.
I have been trying really hard to figure out what I want to do in my life lately. I have been feeling really unmotivated and have no desire to do anything that I'm really supposed to do. This worries me. I feel like I have a really hard time remembering when things are due and stuff.
I'm so tired of this.
Sometimes I feel like I have the entire world at my fingertips and I can't quite reach it. I feel like there is a centimeter between me and things working out the way I want them to. I feel like its all I can do to stay afloat, let alone do anything of worth.
I do have one bright point in my life right now, and that is David. We finally got officially engaged, as in, I have a ring on my finger and everything. This weekend was a really huge test for us, and we both failed it and passed it, even tho I know thats not going to make sense to anyone but me and him. I can tell you that I am more in love with him than ever, and that I know he is the one I am supposed to marry. He is one of the most caring, wonderful people I have ever known. He didn't let me go this weekend, even tho I gave him every reason in the universe to do so. I just love him so much. I have all these doubts sometimes, and all I have to do is talk to him to know that I am making the right choice, no matter how hard it is going to be. He is willing to change to become the kind of person I need, and I am willing to change to be the kind of person he needs. Together we are going to be the kind of people who love and care about each other so much that we can't be unhappy because someone will always be there trying to fill us with all the joy in the world. I very seriously just want to make him happy. I don't want to make him hurt. I want him to know how much he means to me and how wonderful he is.
I have been trying really hard to figure out what I want to do in my life lately. I have been feeling really unmotivated and have no desire to do anything that I'm really supposed to do. This worries me. I feel like I have a really hard time remembering when things are due and stuff.
I'm so tired of this.
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