Thursday, November 29, 2007

I'm SO ready

for things to be right, and for people to realize that they don't know me.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

I lied

I think I have a fever now.

Feeling Better

So, the prozac has helped a LOT. I actually did something today!
I've been really really sick the last two days with a sinus-infection-cold thing that has made doing stuff impossible, so I thought that I was maybe not affected by it at all. But today I feel SO much better, and I'm going to get stuff done and be productive. Its like there isn't this wall blocking me now. YAY!
I am figuring out that a true friend is a really neat thing.
Also, David is wonderful. I'm counting down the days till next semester when I can be with him SO much more. Its going to be fantastic.
Okay, shower time.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Eternal Sunshine

I really want to have sunshine in my soul, today, tomorrow and forever.
David brings that sunshine to me.
We went to my grandparents this weekend and it was great. Ate a lot and talked a lot and snuggled a lot on something bigger than a couch. (a bed! oh no, call the honor code!) I just really know that I want to marry him and be with him forever. He is my soul, and owns my entire heart. I had a bad dream one of the nights we were there, and I went in and he held me for a while until I wasn't scared anymore. Well, he slept and let me be near him. He took up the entire bed and kicked me off. I think thats how its going to be when we are married. And he snores a little bit. its more like heavy breathing. Its comforting. He reaches out for my hand when we are driving, or when we are walking around shopping, or whenever. He just always wants to be near me and be touching me, and I am so glad. It makes me feel like he really really wants me. I love it.
He is taking me to see High School Musical on Friday.
If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

The Doctor

So, I went to the Doctor today. And he did a check up. I got blood drawn and they will have that back to me on Monday when I go in for my follow up. We talked for a while and he said that a lot of my symptoms were connceted with depression, but that he didn't really want to say anything else until we met again on Monday. So, I came home and looked up symptoms of depression.
1. Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness
- Sometimes
2. Loss of interest in dailly activities
- Yes
3. Appetite or weight changes
- Yes
4. Sleep changes
- Yes
5. Psychomotor agitation or retardation (feeling keyed up or slowed down)
- Yes
6. Loss of energy
- Yes
7. Self-loathing
- Sometimes
8. Concentration problems
- Yes
9. Irritability
- Not really
10. Aches and pains (headaches, backaches, diarrhea or constipation, abdominal pain, and aching joints)
- Yes

So, yeah. Thats scary. I guess I'll wait till monday to see if there is something else that is wrong that could explain everything. I just want to feel good again.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007


My face has been really really hot today. Well, my whole body, actually. It isn't pleasant. And I've been sleeping ridiculous amounts every night and I'm still tired every day. And when I walked up to campus today both of my legs, from the knees down, hurt really bad, like they had fallen asleep and were trying to wake up. I have been getting really bad migraines and stomach ache's, as well as the occasional bout of diarrhea, which is attractive, I know. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night wanting to throw up, but when I sit up, my head starts swimming and I know I would pass out before I make it to the toilet, so I have learned how to will myself to stop the nausea that has overcome my body. This mess has been going on for over two weeks.
I am going to get a check up tomorrow, and I'm going to get my blood work done. Something is not right in the land of Sabrina.

In other news, I went grocery shopping and I have milk again, and I'm going to have grapenuts in the morning, with banana on top. Maybe an egg, too, since they are good for you. I also got hummus, which my fridge has been without for far too long, since like summer. Lame on me.

I went tanning yesterday, with my 8 free tans from Gold's Gym that I may have lied to procure, but it wasn't on purpose, so I'm calling it good. I bought tanning lotion, which was dumb, but it reminds me of summer so its all good. I figure since the tanning was free, I might as well spend some money on the lotion. I'm doing this because two weeks from today I'll be laying out on a beach in Cancun celebrating my 20th birthday with good music and literature.

Burgoyne came and played with me on Saturday. That was nice. I'm glad he is my friend. I made him delicious chicken and we watched chick flicks and it was wonderful. But he wouldn't snuggle with me b/c he was scared that David would get mad. But then David came because I had been sick all week last week and snuggled with me instead, which was amazing.

I re-read all of Philip's letters today. David called while I was in the middle of it and I wasn't in the best frame of mind and I know he was worried about me all day, because he is the best fiancé ever. And when I finished reading them, I knew why I am marrying David, not that I didn't know before, but it was confirmed. David won't ever play with my heart or not tell me what he is feeling in his. I love him so much, and know that he is the person I am supposed to marry. Its wonderful.

I went to the temple today for the first time since high school. It felt good.