Oh boy Oh Boy Oh Boy.
Boyfriend and I broke up. I'm not really mad. Its whats best for him. And anyways...
RM boy is now in the picture, large an in charge.
Its been SO long since I've fallen this hard this fast. Like, um, I'd say almost exactly a year ago is the last time I felt this way, and I think that was a total load of crap. Like, he hurt me so bad that I'm not even sure the feelings I had were ever really there. Like, I did stupid things and things I regret, even tho I regret nothing in life, all because of these feelings.
I think I have a tendancy to make rash decisions.
I think I don't think before I leap.
I'm SO GLAD I am going home and not seeing him for 7 weeks, because if I really like him, then when I get back I'll know.
I think I really like him.
He is like, amazing. Like holy crap. Like.. oh my gosh.
I've never said this before, because it sounds semi-silly, but I feel safe when we are kissing. I feel like he would never try to take advantage of me or try to push things to far. I feel like he is this awesome guy who wants to be with me and wouldn't ever hurt me on purpose. Like, if we were ever to part ways, it would be because of something mutual, because we didn't feel that we belonged togehter.
He asked me out last night, and I said no.
I'm leaving for 7 weeks, and as much as I like him... as much as I think he is this wonderful boy who is taking my world by storm, I just can't be with someone for 7 weeks not seeing him when I've only known him for as many days as weeks before I leave. But boy oh boy, I like him.
Like, I dunno. I get this feeling when I'm thinking about him. My heart beats a little faster. I get this stupid grin on my face. I just want him here right now so I can give him the biggest hug of all time.
Its a little bit scary because he is marriable. He is someone who I could spend the rest of forever with. He is someone who not only has potential, but is a pretty great guy now.
And then I think... I'm 19 years old. I'm not ready for all this. I am writing like, 7 missionaries. I'm not supposed to get into a serious relationship until Wanye or David or Phil gets home and its supposed to be with them. I'm supposed to marry someone who I've known for a long long time.
And I know this whole rant is a little premature, seeing as I've known him for... um.. 5 days. And that we aren't even boyfriend girlfriend (my choice on that one, I guess) but I dunno.
I just dunno.
I guess we'll see how this all plays out.