and no words to say it with.
Sometimes I feel like I have the entire world at my fingertips and I can't quite reach it. I feel like there is a centimeter between me and things working out the way I want them to. I feel like its all I can do to stay afloat, let alone do anything of worth.
I do have one bright point in my life right now, and that is David. We finally got officially engaged, as in, I have a ring on my finger and everything. This weekend was a really huge test for us, and we both failed it and passed it, even tho I know thats not going to make sense to anyone but me and him. I can tell you that I am more in love with him than ever, and that I know he is the one I am supposed to marry. He is one of the most caring, wonderful people I have ever known. He didn't let me go this weekend, even tho I gave him every reason in the universe to do so. I just love him so much. I have all these doubts sometimes, and all I have to do is talk to him to know that I am making the right choice, no matter how hard it is going to be. He is willing to change to become the kind of person I need, and I am willing to change to be the kind of person he needs. Together we are going to be the kind of people who love and care about each other so much that we can't be unhappy because someone will always be there trying to fill us with all the joy in the world. I very seriously just want to make him happy. I don't want to make him hurt. I want him to know how much he means to me and how wonderful he is.
I have been trying really hard to figure out what I want to do in my life lately. I have been feeling really unmotivated and have no desire to do anything that I'm really supposed to do. This worries me. I feel like I have a really hard time remembering when things are due and stuff.
I'm so tired of this.